Thursday, May 28, 2009
i doubt this will help
but lately i've been feeling like no matter what i do or how i feel, people could give two shits about it. like i'm not depressed but i feel alone even though i'm surrounded by people. i feel every artistic person at some point in time feels this way. but what can i say this feeling comes back time and time again....no amount of writing or crying makes it go away... and that upsets me more. i hate that my body is this ship of anger. if u cross me, its likely that if u try and bring me down, i'll bring u down before u can dent my ship. i harbor all these feelings until they become too much to bare but i can't talk to anybody, because nobody really understands why i feel how i do. and its 10x more difficult to try and explain it. idk but i was right, writing about how i feel right now isn't helping at all. *sigh
Thursday, May 7, 2009
breathe you in
just for a moment
to get the sweet scent
of you
to breathe you in
as if it was my dying wish
i just want to
breathe you in
cuz then i'd carry
u around forever
to get the sweet scent
of you
to breathe you in
as if it was my dying wish
i just want to
breathe you in
cuz then i'd carry
u around forever
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
lately i feel like i'm ready to start living like an adult. no more being at home and still mooching off my parents. just on my own. and i feel it's just because the closer it get to May 5th the closer i am to my degree. i want to make a living outside of where i live and where i work. i want ti make something out of life and out of who i am. but i just don't know if i can. so my doubts make me wonder if i can even afford to live on my own w/out needing mommy and daddy's help. or if i'm even ready to do it. but i know i don't want to be 28 and still living at home. i guess i have alot to think about. but i'm not so sure i'm want to. i know what i want outta life but right now it seems unobtainable. is this how life is and always will be? it just seems so hard to do things when life is so easy but in actuality its meant to be hard. i just don't get it, do you?
or maybe i'm just not ready to live on my own.i really don't know. i feel like my life is an episode of lost without having other people on the island with me. or maybe it's a dumb soap opera. who knows?
or maybe i'm just not ready to live on my own.i really don't know. i feel like my life is an episode of lost without having other people on the island with me. or maybe it's a dumb soap opera. who knows?
Thursday, April 9, 2009
BODY ART
take your brush
and dip it in colors
that make me
a little blue, maybe
some orange
mix in some bright red
and lay your brush
upon my canvas
what do you see,
as you start to paint me?
is my smile the color of red?
does it make you see
the beauty within?
are my eyes the color of the sea?
blue and calming
like a serene feeling
do they take your breath away
with the rise of the sun?
dabble a little green on me
tell me what it means...
mix the colors red and blue
does it convey my mood?
or does it lead you to
my definition?
take your brush
and clean it off
dip it in yellow
does it speak to you the way i do?
now smear some water across me
am i still as clear to you?
am i the body art
you dreamt of?
and dip it in colors
that make me
a little blue, maybe
some orange
mix in some bright red
and lay your brush
upon my canvas
what do you see,
as you start to paint me?
is my smile the color of red?
does it make you see
the beauty within?
are my eyes the color of the sea?
blue and calming
like a serene feeling
do they take your breath away
with the rise of the sun?
dabble a little green on me
tell me what it means...
mix the colors red and blue
does it convey my mood?
or does it lead you to
my definition?
take your brush
and clean it off
dip it in yellow
does it speak to you the way i do?
now smear some water across me
am i still as clear to you?
am i the body art
you dreamt of?
Sunday, April 5, 2009
My cupcakes of joy
its funny how ppl seem to care more about a person when they get hurt...
i have this friend and we barely talk to each other but it's not that we just don't straiht up not talk to one another. she has two jobs an i go to school and work, so we talk when we can. Friday morning she got in an accident that put her in the hospital. i found out yesterday at work she was in the hospital and i cried. i couldn't remember the last time we talked and it ade me even more scared. so i called her phone even though i know she couldn't answer i left a msg letting her know i loved her and that she was going to get better. i even texted her. i needed her to know that no matter wht i loved her. and its sad that it took her getting hurt for me to send her that msg. but i've been keepin some of our mutual friends updated about her and some seem to not care as much. i think that's funny that they call u concerned and the minute u find something out and call to them it seems as if they don't care. almost as if they had too much on their mind to be conerned about her anymore...
what i've been through and experienced this past wk has made me realize that the people i call friends are more important to me than i thought. i'm their rock as well as most of them being mine. like i said in my first blog, my friends are my cupcakes of joy= )
i have this friend and we barely talk to each other but it's not that we just don't straiht up not talk to one another. she has two jobs an i go to school and work, so we talk when we can. Friday morning she got in an accident that put her in the hospital. i found out yesterday at work she was in the hospital and i cried. i couldn't remember the last time we talked and it ade me even more scared. so i called her phone even though i know she couldn't answer i left a msg letting her know i loved her and that she was going to get better. i even texted her. i needed her to know that no matter wht i loved her. and its sad that it took her getting hurt for me to send her that msg. but i've been keepin some of our mutual friends updated about her and some seem to not care as much. i think that's funny that they call u concerned and the minute u find something out and call to them it seems as if they don't care. almost as if they had too much on their mind to be conerned about her anymore...
what i've been through and experienced this past wk has made me realize that the people i call friends are more important to me than i thought. i'm their rock as well as most of them being mine. like i said in my first blog, my friends are my cupcakes of joy= )
the world we live in
what is this world we live in?
i often ask myself
is this way God planned for us to live?
we go from livin peacefully
to shootin to kill niggas
is the legacy of the human race?
or are these just simple test of faith?
damn...
it seems as if no one is safe
the world has turned into a jungle
its every man for themselves
but i pray one day
this will al change
and harmony will be restored
this is the world we live in...........i guess
i often ask myself
is this way God planned for us to live?
we go from livin peacefully
to shootin to kill niggas
is the legacy of the human race?
or are these just simple test of faith?
damn...
it seems as if no one is safe
the world has turned into a jungle
its every man for themselves
but i pray one day
this will al change
and harmony will be restored
this is the world we live in...........i guess
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
untitled
so yesterday (3/31/09)i was on my way to school. walked out my house and everything was fine. waiting for the bus was kinda boring. but i ignored the usual crazy people who walk by and try and speak to me.... as soon as the bus came, as sat and got my book out to read i heard a loud bang and as i looked out the window, i saw a lil boy fly through the air, and the back of the bus was loud with scream and people crying. i immediately got off the bus once i saw the lil boy land. and as cars cleared the street, and i saw what was left, i couldn't find it in me to cross the street and help at all. i broke down and started cryin. i didn't know what else to do but call my mom and she came and got me.
I've never in my life witnessed one car hit 4 people. i stood there while the kids and the mother lay there helplessly,because i was afraid for them. i was too scared to cross the street. and i keep saying i should've helped, i could've helped. i cpr/first aid qualified and i froze. so my mom took me home and my uncle stayed with me until my sister and my mom's boyfriend came home. and of course my biffle was there for me even though she was in another state. everybody kept tellin me how not to get emotionally stressed over people i don't know but i see it like this, it happened before my eyes. right in front of me. i saw everything happen, from the time the lil boy got hit until they were put in ambulances and hauled off to Brockton hospital. my uncle watched soap operas with me and fell asleep a good 15-20 mins before Opera came on, but he was my rock for those couple of hours nobody was home with me. i called my boyfriend and he came and spent some time with me after his classes.
but even with everyone being there for me and trying to make me feel better, i still feel like i coulda done something. the 5 o'clock news came on and it was the first thing on it. the lil boy died and his sister has a broken hip and leg, his brother has a broken leg as well as his mother. after watching this on the news i felt worse. and i think i felt this way because even though i was scared i was propbably one of the other people who was qualified to deal with things like that. i didn't sleep to well and i can barely eat but its just really sad because a lil boy lost his life and i didnt do anything. i know it's not my fault because i wasn't behind the wheel but i feel guilty for freezing up. i kno that eventually i'll move pass this but it'll be awhile before it happens.
I've never in my life witnessed one car hit 4 people. i stood there while the kids and the mother lay there helplessly,because i was afraid for them. i was too scared to cross the street. and i keep saying i should've helped, i could've helped. i cpr/first aid qualified and i froze. so my mom took me home and my uncle stayed with me until my sister and my mom's boyfriend came home. and of course my biffle was there for me even though she was in another state. everybody kept tellin me how not to get emotionally stressed over people i don't know but i see it like this, it happened before my eyes. right in front of me. i saw everything happen, from the time the lil boy got hit until they were put in ambulances and hauled off to Brockton hospital. my uncle watched soap operas with me and fell asleep a good 15-20 mins before Opera came on, but he was my rock for those couple of hours nobody was home with me. i called my boyfriend and he came and spent some time with me after his classes.
but even with everyone being there for me and trying to make me feel better, i still feel like i coulda done something. the 5 o'clock news came on and it was the first thing on it. the lil boy died and his sister has a broken hip and leg, his brother has a broken leg as well as his mother. after watching this on the news i felt worse. and i think i felt this way because even though i was scared i was propbably one of the other people who was qualified to deal with things like that. i didn't sleep to well and i can barely eat but its just really sad because a lil boy lost his life and i didnt do anything. i know it's not my fault because i wasn't behind the wheel but i feel guilty for freezing up. i kno that eventually i'll move pass this but it'll be awhile before it happens.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)